Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
