dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
