Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
