So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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