Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
