I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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