Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
