Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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