My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
