You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
