Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize