I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
