no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
