Buhtt sex?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
