Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
