These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize