Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
