Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
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