we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
