I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. đ
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
I should have known it wouldnât work. Someone saved in her phone as âSubway Sexâ called the week before the wedding
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