I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
