Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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