Your dad touched me again.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
