On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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