Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
