she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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