I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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