Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
