Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
