Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
