I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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