3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
