Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
