just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
