she was so not down for the gang bang
dude i'm inner monologue high
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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