just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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