She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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