...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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