in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
