i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
