I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize