:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
