So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
