They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
