WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
