Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
