Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
