Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize