The beer is more important than you right now.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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