dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
