Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
