After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
