Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Randomize
