Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize