an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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