My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I think I sprained my soul last night
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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