im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
