Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
She made me pour olive oil on her.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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