You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
