There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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