hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
