It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
