you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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