It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
