do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize