I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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