Jerry, you need to find god
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize