Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
